13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Tell You

I read the list and was truly amazed at how accurate they might be.

13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Tell You (Readers Digest 2009)

1. I spent a couple of decades being the leading lady; now I have a character role. It hurts to be downsized.

2. I know he's your husband now, but he's still my son.

3. You don't seem very confident about yourself. The littlest comment from me is taken as a criticism, so I'm very careful what I say around you.

4. Every year, I send you a birthday present, but you never even pick up the phone to thank me. This year, I said, "That's it. No more." Yet look at me: I'm about to send another present. I guess that's how I am.

5. We mothers say to our children, "I want you to be happy." And we mean that. What we don't say is, "But I would like to be happy too."

6. I've bought and sold 13 houses in my life. Why won't you ask for my advice?

7. When I visit you, I'm not coming for a white-glove inspection. I'm just coming to see the family.

8. When I really want to talk to my son privately, I don't call your house. I call his cell phone.

9. I'm so happy that you allow my son-your husband-to visit me on Mother's Day. It's a long trip and a big expense. I'm truly appreciative.

10. My dirty little secret: I'm afraid that if I don't get this right, you'll cut me off.

11. I'm in competition with your mother. She takes you on vacations every year and buys things I can't afford. All I can do is love you and babysit for you. I hope that's enough and that it's appreciated.

12. Whenever I stay at your house, you always have my room ready, my towels, everything. You do all the right things. I'm lucky to have you!

13. I cherish the refrigerator magnet you gave me: "Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill."

Once my MIL told me she was so impressed that I had not gained much weight during my pregnancy. She said "Lots of women just think it is a time to eat whatever they want." I should have realized at the time that she had no clue that most women can't control how much weight they gain during pregnancy since it is heavily hormonal driven. After pregnancy I went on to gain 35 pounds. During that same period she went on to lose 30 lbs and reduce to a size 4. You can imagine how I confident I felt after that.

Why Is it So Hard to Make Friends When You Have Small Children?

I never believed it would be hard for me to make friends after my first child was born. As he got older he was one of those cute, adorable, little boys any mom would want her kid to play with...but it was far from easy. In fact I still do not have a mom friend who I talk to ever for more than 5 minutes and that is while waiting for our kids at preschool. The preschool is filled with groups of moms who kind of resemble cliques from high school. The younger hip crowd hangs out all the time together and their kids all know each other. I ran into another group of moms (from preschool) at the swim park who actually went on my dream-mom-weekend in Hawaii and left the kids with the dads. Over the last several years I have hiked occasionally with an outdoor hiking group for moms, but, no...no friends made there either. If it wasn't for my friend in Chatsworth or my dear former neighbor (who I miss very much) I wouldn't have survived those first years. During our first preschool year W. Logan and I were invited for a play date. He was young and wasn't used to playing with other kids and they didn't want to meet with us again. (I probably should mention that I was pregnant last year and obviously had a new baby this year, and this didn't help the situation.) Last year we had a birthday party for him and invited the whole class but only four families out of 18 came. I think the final straw that broke the camels back was when my sons best friends mom said she 'doesn't do play dates'  ...something about her husband not approving. I was so crushed since she seemed nice and so were her kids. I have officially given up trying  half-heartedly to find mom-friends. So that brings me back to our plan to move to a small town in a house off-the-grid...I think I will become a mom-hermit. I used to be so good at making and maintaining friendships.

Healthy, Earth Friendly Homemade Cleaning Supplies

My latest preoccupation is homemade cleaning supplies. I'm not sure the exact reason behind it...sometimes I like to think it is more healthy or more green or maybe cheaper but really I think the reason lies in my love of creating my own things. I love making my own bread, cheese, soap or just about anything that is crafty that I can use. So, today I made homemade laundry soap from a recipe from the Come Clean Booklet from www.fullcirclehome.com The recipe is 1 cup baking soda, 1 cup washing soda, 1 cup vinegar and 1/4 cup castille soap. First I mixed the soap with the sodas really well, then I SLOWLY added the vinegar while mixing well. I continued mixing well until the mixture went from soup to dry powder. It was almost like being in a chemistry lab. The mixture warmed up and it eventually turned into somewhat clumpy dryish laundry soap. It is recommended that 1/2 cup be used per load, but since I have an HE machine, I'm going to start with 1/4 cup. I also have a great generally cleaning spray for plastic surfaces (like high chair trays, plastic table cloths etc).

For the bathroom I'm using a lemon-vinegar-tea tree oil mixture. So far I like the cleaners so much better than the commercial  options. They do the job much better than store bought and I can modify them anytime I want. Now I just need to get cleaning, and well that is whole different issue.



Time-Where Does it Go?

Lately special diets have become the norm in our house. W. Logan is on a gluten-free diet, S is on a gluten-free, dairy free diet and I am on a low carb diet. O. Finn is happily enjoying whatever we put in front of him. I love babies at this stage. They are sooo trusting and sweet. As they get older, they complain when you make dairy-free, gluten-free Mac N, Cheese with cashews and nutritional yeast. It was bad enough when we had to replace the noodles with rice noodles. We are trying to make our food very healthy and inspiring at the same time but this was a failure. Since I'm on a low carb, high fat, high protein diet, I've become a little bit of a carnivore. I'm still breastfeeding, so I've decided to limit my low-carbs to a reasonable level so that I don't go into Ketosis.  It is kind of fun but it seems to really help my insulin resistance problem. Today we made Jicama Slaw, Blackstrap Beans and MacN Cheese. It was interesting, but we won't be making the MacN Cheese again. Breakfast is Artichoke Crab Fritatta and Buckwheat Pancakes with Crowberry Syrup.

Another project I'm working on is homemade house cleaners. I filled a bunch of different cleaners with various combinations of vinegar, lemon juice, essential oils, olive oil and water. Suprisingly, the cleaners are better than the fancy store cleaners. I made an all purpose cleaner with half vinegar half water with lavendar essential oil, and it works great for cleaning the table. I have bathroom cleaner that includes half water and the other half a combination of lemon juice and vinegar. I added 15 drops of Tea Tree Oil as well. Supposedly this is good for germs. Plan to keep experimenting with this.

I so wish I had time in the day to work on various things like my wool rug, several books that I have sitting around, or just time to clean and organize my house the way I want it, let alone do the business taxes and accounting. Oh, well maybe that day will come someday...

My Zen List

After the New Year it always seems time for housekeeping, whether it be literal or not. It might be time for reflection over eating and spending choices over the last three weeks or just reflection in general. Recently I read a list out of Mother Earth Living titled Be Happier at Home (not that I’m not happy at home), but I think the list is thoughtful and needed to be shared. 1. Get Enough Sleep – Gain energy and feel calm by going to bed early enough for a full night’s sleep. 2. Embrace Good Smells – No cost, no calories, no energy, no time – a quick hit of pleasure. 3. Accept Yourself – Don’t waste time wishing you were different. 4. Give Warm Greetings and Farewells – what a thought? I’ll have to try it. And the last one, 5. Remember this Truth – The only person you can change is yourself. Avoid power struggles at home by realizing you can work on your own outlook, but you cannot change others. I think this last one hit home. I need to look above the field of lavender and smell it, enjoy it and stop worrying about the unkindnesses of my in-laws to our family.  I have added this to my zen list which includes things like ‘take vitamins and floss’ and ‘arrange for help when it gets too hard’ (aargh…wish I had done this sooner with the business taxes). 

Christmas and Children

I have to say that my favorite part of our Christmas celebration this year was watching my kids open their presents. Even the little one at 9 months was so excited about his new cat tractor. It was really priceless. However, I have decided Christmas is a lot of work when I have to send out the cards, prepare all the Christmas meals, bake the cookies, desserts, and fruitcake, decorate the house, and on top of that wrap ALL the presents including my own! I don't think I have ever known exactly what was in every present before. My special present was a new set of Henkel forged knives that I won at my husband's office party!

Head Lice, Sleep, and Skinny Kids

This week started off with an email from the teacher that makes you scratch your head. It was a notice that a child in preschool had head lice and that we were to check our children for lice before returning to school. The notice included a long list of precautions including that we were to notify them if our child had been diagnosed with head lice. How do you get diagnosed with head lice? Don't we all know what they look like from our childhood? I certainly did, but I wasn't going to tell the teacher. Unfortunately I did find a couple nits on W's head and treated him with a natural lice treatment of coconut oil, tea tree oil soaking on his head for two hours and then a rinse with apple cider vinegar. Apparently the oils kill the bugs and the vinegar loosens the nits from the hair. After a late night long procedure, I dried his hair and combed out any remaining nits. It appeared to work since I was able to comb a few more nits out with the nit comb. The next morning there were no nits in his hear from my close inspection, so I have complied with the school's "No Nit Policy"! On Wednesday, the next preschool day, all the mothers milled around like nothing had happened. No one mentioned the lice. No one asked, "Did you guys have it?" "Did you have to do a treatment?" The teachers didn't mention it. It was hilarious! It was almost like the email never went out.

I can't believe I'm actually writing this in the morning! This week O has been sleeping about 7 hours at a stretch at night, and I have been enjoying the benefits. Last week I was at my wits end after he woke up to eat every 2-3 hours. He is 8 months old and he was waking up like a newborn.

W hasn't been eating much lately and you actually see his back ribs! It worried me so much I sent him to bed with a big cup of milk and a promise to get up in the morning and make him a big pile of eggs.

Can you actually grind espresso bean so small that it turns into powder? It tastes like I'm drinking coffee beans. Yuk! Why is it so hard to make a simple cup of coffee? Why can't I make something as simple as a decent mocha every morning? I hate paying $5 for a cup of espresso. Oh well, I guess I will be really wide awake after my coffee bean puree.